July 6, 2017.Β
Here's some pics I took of clouds on my way back from visiting relatives in Kentucky. Clouds are cool.Β
#RelationshipFail
Remember that pretty blonde I met last Friday night? The one to which I delivered the cheesy pick-up line?
Well, I put my stalker hat on the next day and Googled and found out who she was. I thought "hey maybe there was a connection there, maybe she likes me, she DID ask me to hang with her when I could have bolted with the fam" so I followed her on a couple of her social media pages which isn't creepy at all.
Short story shorter, today I woke up to find she blocked me on Twitter. lol. So there's your answer to that.
My "men's intuition" was completely off on that one. Again.
But always one to take a positive away from a negative, I learned that I still enjoy going out and having a good time with fun chicks and I should probably put myself out there more often. Who knows, maybe the next girl will stalk ME on Twitter. (I won't block her, I'll just politely let her know that I'd rather she follow right behind me IN REAL LIFE at all times. ha.)
Have a GREAT Monday!
The pick up line
I have zero "game" when it comes to picking up women but that fact doesn't really deter me from being great if a situation presents itself like it did last night.
I was sitting at a random bar on Bardstown road in Louisville, Kentucky when this crazy beautiful blonde sat next to me. Immediately I assumed she was a prostitute so I minded my own business but she was desperate to talk and get drunk so at some point it was impossible to ignore her.
Once we got to talking for a minute I fell in love with her which is probably a character flaw but who cares. I don't know what the conversation was about or where it was going but at some point I said "I didn't know I'd be sitting next to the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life."
Even while the words were coming out of my mouth I was thinking "you are NOT actually going to say this to this person" even if you're half sincere about it.
Melissa (which I believe is her REAL name) reacted as she should have by almost leaving. Who could blame her after hearing the cheesiest line she's maybe ever heard in her life delivered by some old Texan she just met who just had a shot of Don Julio tequila and who could be her father.
Strange as it may seem, though, she stuck around.
I don't know if Melissa will ever read this story but if she does I'd like her to know that as cheesy as that line was I'm even cheesier when I'm NOT drunk and I'm also a VERY accomplished stalker (her middle name is Marie) so you better get a restraining order FAST!
:-D
(sometimes I write stuff just to amuse myself)
What I'm taking out of my Louisville bar experience from last night is that this is a nice, fun town with nice, fun people and I LOVE that the bars stay open until 4 am and thank the LORD Dallas bars DO NOT stay open until 4 am.
Thank you to the 3 people who will read this. I love y'all!
Happy May!
I don't blog much but it's midnight and too early to really start my Monday so I figured I'd just tell you a story.Β
Once upon a time there was a duck Β π¦. By the way, during the course of this story I'll use all of the suggested emojis whenever my iPhone π± shows one. It'll make the story more fun. Idk π if they'll show up in the blog post or not but I guess we'll see π.
Where was I? Oh yeah, the duck π¦ I've decided to change the beginning of this story.Β
Once upon a time there was a long race π.
It was so long that nobody actually ever finished. But people really loved the race π. People watched with great π interest every day.Β
One βοΈ day General Felt fell. It was feared he may have to withdraw from the race π but luckily his fall was broken some by Mr. Delicious π so he was able to continue. Also General Felt and Mr. Delicious π are gay.Β
Over time the race π began to become less intense than a fondue party π. So people started to become disinterested. Even Mr. Delicious π wasn't interested in the race π and he was IN it.Β
After Mr. Delicious π withdrew from the race π he started a game show called "What Are You?" Β It was a gigantic hit. He was so happy π his game show made it big he bought a Lexus for his boyfriend Trey.Β
Trey met Mr. Delicious π while he was on holiday in Venice. Mr. Delicious π ran off a bridge and Trey jumped in the icy βοΈ water and saved him. Another woman also jumped in the icy βοΈ water but she died.Β
The train π left later that day for Holland. Malcolm didn't understand anything about what had happened with Jill but he knew that if she wanted her purse π she would have to follow him. Just before he boarded the train π with Jill's purse π a monkey π attacked him. Malcolm tried to hang onto the purse π during the attack but the monkey π was too fast. He snatched the purse π and was on top of the train π making nasty π· signs and monkey π noises at Malcolm before you could say "peppermint."
Malcolm and Jill helplessly watched the monkey π disappear into the distance. Jill didnt know what to do without her purse π so she began to make monkey π gestures and noises. Malcolm didn't know what to do either so he broke out his fiddle and played The Devil Went Down To Georgia π¬πͺ.
The next day Malcolm was a contestant on "What Are You?" Β Nobody could guess that Malcolm was a fiddler purse π theif so he won. He used the prize money π° to buy Jill a new purse π with 26 packs of gum inside. Jill was so happy π she shit herself.Β
The End.Β
Lemme tell ya a story about chicken.
For lunch last Wednesday I had leftover chicken. It wasn't bad.Β
Later that same evening a woman who is known as Killer Kim (a cool, beautiful friend of my brother-in-law Jason) delivered a wonderful chicken parmigiana dinner from Maggiano's. Yum! Β (but that's chicken for lunch and dinner now..)
The next day Thursday was Slim Chickens #JayFayDay so for lunch I had a chicken sandwich. It was delicious!Β
That Thursday night it was still #JayFayDay so I went back to Slim Chickens and had hot wings. They were awesome!
But.Β
Phew! That's a LOT of chicken in a 48-hours span.Β
The next day my business partner wanted to go to lunch and I was like "anything but chicken."Β
Using Valentine's Day to handle your woman during March Madness
March Madness is imminent. It can stress a relationship. Here's how you can use Valentine's Day to keep your girl from leaving you because, in her words, "obviously college basketball is more important than me!"
First of all, it TOTALLY depends on what kinda woman you have..
Type A: A girl that's into March Madness and is as excited as YOU are to watch the tournament.
Congratulations! You don't need to do much on Valentine's Day for this type of girl because she's all like "what a dumb holiday, don't get me flowers, how lame." But what you DO have to do with this type of girl is at least fain some interest in the teams she's rooting for during March Madness. If you don't do at least that, you're in for a hard time. This type of girl will go as far as denying you sex for rooting against her teams. That's the last thing you want so just acquiesce and continue to enjoy a healthy sex life.
Type B: A girl that could care less about March Madness.
You need to spoil the FUCK outta this type of girl on Valentine's Day. Flowers, chocolates.. Ask a gay dude what he would do to make it the most romantic Valentine's Day for his man. His worst 20 ideas will be better than anything you could come up with. Choose one, do it, and then MAYBE she won't be a bitch when you're completely ignoring her during the tournament. If she starts squawking when you're trying to watch a game you can just be like "Did you NOT have a wonderful Valentine's Day?" She won't be able to deny it.
Type C: A girl that understands your sports obsession but just kinda likes to root for the underdogs.
This girl is closer to the type B girl than type A in that she doesn't really "get it." However, she totally LOVES you so it doesn't bother her that you're so into March Madness. She even enjoys watching some of the games with you because she just loves seeing you so passionate about something. You don't need to spoil her as hard as you would a type B girl on Valentine's but you need to do something. Flowers and/or chocolate is okay but her priority is quality time with you so take her out, make her feel special. Be creative and do something a little different than the normal "date night." This should be more than enough to not have to worry about her leaving your dumb ass.
At the end of the day, be thankful that you have ANY type of girl because you don't deserve her. But you already know that. :-D
Miracle Monday's With Michelle
But then the morning passed yesterday and no show. "No big deal", I thought. She'll just get to it a little later.
But then the afternoon passed and still no show. Β
At that point I have to admit I was a little disappointed. Last Monday she indicated on her first show back that she would try to do at least one show per week. But of course with everything she is going through with her daughter JayFay it's completely understandable that doing a live Facebook show is the least of her priorities.Β
I saw her briefly twice yesterday and thought about telling her that I missed her show today but of course I'm not going to ever say anything about it. Instead I just let her know that yet another beautifully kind sole left a gift bag outside the door of her house that appeared to contain some thoughtful items in support of the continued healing of my niece. #prayforjayfay (As Forrest Gump would say "It's a household prayer.") We were at my parent's house at the time and she said "oh thanks, I'll stop by and pick it up on the way back downtown."
Then something wonderful happened.Β
An hour or so later I brought up Facebook and there was my lovely sister doing a "Monday's With Michelle"! (the evening version). Hooray!! And from her OWN house just like the old days! It was SO beautiful to watch and her message was just as inspirational as always and it just made me SO happy! She even showed an item from out of the gift bag I told her about. How cool!Β
So shout out to sis for not leaving your bro hangin and coming through with a Monday's With Michelle show after all. It was a GREAT one! Full of JOY! :-) Have a joy-filled rest of the week. I love you!!!Β
And to everyone who spent time reading this joy to you and I β€οΈ YOU too!Β
Peace βοΈΒ
ps. the pic at the top of this post are her "show notes." Cool, huh?Β
A Christmas letter to my niece in the hospital
βDear Jayden-Faith,
What's up, yo? Merry Christmasβ and Mili's birthday! βHere's a cute pic of you holding her. JayFay and EmRae. She's your fave!
It's been β743β Β hours β(31 days!) βsince you were in an horrific car accident on Thanksgiving Day and cracked your skull and almost died.Β 
I choose those specific words on purpose because recently your recovery has not been progressing as fast as many would like and it's SO hard to have patience. We just want our JayFay back!
But what we all have to remember is that you ARE recovering. You're not dead. Your sweet mama reminded me of that fact yesterday in another tear-jerking Facebook Live video update on your condition.
You'll never believe what a pillar of strength and inspiration she's been through all this. Nobody believes it. But you know what I think? I think a lot of her strength comes from you. You have an amazing inner strength that you project to everyone the more they're around you. So it makes sense that the person who would be the strongest is the one who's around you the most, your best friend and mom, Michelle.
She loves you SO much she's been right by your side EVERY day and night since the accident, only leaving the hospital ONE TIME to get some girly stuff done (like hair, etc.) and have dinner with Jace. Pretty amazing, huh?
Anyway, it's Christmas Day and I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you all the time and I talked to Santa and he said he got you all kinds a cool stuff. Nice! Here's a pic of you a couple years ago talking to Santa. Awww..Β
That was back when you used to still let me call you sissy. lol. Remember when I called you "sissy" the other day and then corrected myself and said you probably don't want to be called that baby nickname the family have had for you anymore? You said "it's okay, you can call me sissy." :-) I thought that was so sweet.Β
Get better and have a wonderful Christmas day, sweet angel. I love you!
- Uncle Nick
ps. I may or may not have tried to get the #prayforjayfay message to the REAL Katy Perry via Twitter. I said that's one of the things that I pray for when I pray for you is that you might get to meet her one day. I saw where she visited Children's Medical Center in L.A. over the Christmas holiday so why not Dallas too, right? Nice!
My ideal woman according to the dream I had last night is...
... a beautiful brunette cheerleader originally from southern England cheering for an Indian soccer team on a cruise ship (apparently large enough to host international soccer matches) whose real job when she's on land is working as a chef at a cozy but upscale restaurant tucked in a far back corner of a large Atlantic City casino. Hailing from England originally, she has lived in New York most of her life, therefore speaks in a mostly New York accent with English undertones.
She's on the outs with her girlfriend and described the relationship as being "dodgy" for some time.Β In fact, she actually sent her $2000 to help pay for her to move out of the apartment they share back in NYC. She claims this breakup had nothing to do with meeting me but admits that her attraction to me is probably the straw that broke the camel's back.
I'm not really concerned with how this all plays out in the end mainly because the whole story is a product of my over-active imagination.
What a great dream, though! :-D
Basic "dream analysis" of this would lead one to believe that I have a thing for brunette bisexual European women who can dance and cook and while that's pretty much spot on, I would also consider other hair colors as well. :-P
Letter number 2 to my niece in the hospital
Dear Jayden-Faith,
It's been 405 hours since mom called and told me the news about how y'all had a wreck on Thanksgiving Day and YOU (of all people) got the worst of it. Man, that sucks so bad...
Oh, wait, I left my #prayforjayfay wristband upstairs. I'll go put it on. I can't very well write a letter to you in the hospital without wearing my cool unicorn wristband, right? Duh.
Okay, I've got it on now. Phew! Canela followed me upstairs when I went up to get it (of course). She's so sweet! I heart taking care of your sweet puppies! (Even though neither one are really puppies anymore but they're still sweet). Here's a pic of Canela I took the other night with what I believe to be her favorite toy..
One thing I don't hate about this whole ordeal is babysitting your sweet family dogs. It took Rusty a minute to warm up to me but he's coming around I think. It's SO funny, he just WILL NOT go outside with me and Canela. But even though he won't go outside he still wants a treat when we get back in. LOL! "Oh, alright, here's your treat but you didn't do ANYTHING to deserve it." :-D
Even with the dogs keeping me company, this house needs its family back to make it a home. We'll all be happy when it's back to its normal hustle and bustle.
Hey, guess what? You got your braces off yesterday! Nice. When I was much younger I remember I had a girlfriend who was SO excited to show me when she got her braces off. I was TOO because it was easier to kiss her. haha. You probably think kissing boys is gross NOW but you won't one day. Your dad will NEVER want you to kiss a boy but if you ever feel like you want to it's okay to give it a try. Just don't let ALL of them kiss you. You're awesome enough to be WAY selective.
I've visited you twice now while you've been in the ICU. ICU stands for Intensive Care Unit. The funny thing about that is that you have ALWAYS received intensive care from your mom and dad and family. NOW you're just getting it from people outside of the family, too. That's pretty cool, dude.Β
At the moment they're in a process of bringing you out of a medically induced coma. When you come to and know what's going on my friend Katie wants to know if you can remember anything while you were in the coma. This is really interesting to people. Not a lot of people know people who have been in a coma so they're curious about what it's like. I saw a YouTube vid of a girl that described what it's like to be in a coma. You should make a vid like that too later. Here's her vid:
I'm probably going to go visit you for the third time today. The first time I went was pretty soon after the wreck and people were warning me that it wasn't a pretty sight. But when I went into your room you just looked like the most beautiful sleeping angel to me. I honestly didn't think you looked that bad. Then the 2nd time you looked even better! We pretended like we were sending snaps back and forth and took a selfie. lol. I expect this time you'll look even better still. You're one amazing girl. I think the reason you're healing up so fast is because you want to be back doing stuff and having fun and not cooped up in a dumb hospital. We do too, yo! Who ELSE sends me silly and way cool snaps?
Check out this cool collage your mom posted of you smiling.Β
Smiling is the BEST! I smile all the time and my FB profile even says I smile a lot and laugh more. Of course you know that because we only have like a thousand selfies together of us happy and smiling and being goofy. Speaking of which, I've taken a few selfies of us even while you've been "sleeping". We can laugh about them later.
Hey, here's a secret I wanna share with you. People are praying for you who don't normally pray for nothin. Isn't that cool? I know this for a fact because I'm one of those people. Shhhh! Don't tell your mom that, she's a ginormous prayer. Sometimes I just let the wristband pray for me. It's praying 24/7! :-D I even started the #pray4jayfay hashtag but it got overtaken by #prayforjayfay. People don't realize the significance of the number 4 in your life but that's okay.Β
Check it out, though:
You were born in 2004. You family has 4 members. You have 4 pets. One of your favorite games to play is Connect 4. AND if someone asks you if you want a mint, you say you want 4! lol. I think we found your new favorite number. :-) Can you think of any MORE stuff in your life where 4 comes in? I bet you can. (he said, channeling Mr. Rogers.)
In the grand scheme of things, hashtags are way not important, though. Unicorns are! And man, are you gonna be happy when you're fully conscious again and see just HOW many unicorns are waiting for you. Unicorns EVERYWHERE, man! It's unicorn city! You can totally make another unicorn movie later that will be even MORE awesome than the first one because NOW you have a ton MORE unicorns to use. I can't wait to watch it!
Okay, I guess that's about all I have for now. Heal up, feel better, and we'll be goofin around again soon!
Uncle Nick
