Once upon a time there was a duck  🦆. By the way, during the course of this story I'll use all of the suggested emojis whenever my iPhone 📱 shows one. It'll make the story more fun. Idk 😐 if they'll show up in the blog post or not but I guess we'll see 👀.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the duck 🦆 I've decided to change the beginning of this story. 

Once upon a time there was a long race 🏁.

It was so long that nobody actually ever finished. But people really loved the race 🏁. People watched with great 👍 interest every day. 

One ☝️ day General Felt fell. It was feared he may have to withdraw from the race 🏁 but luckily his fall was broken some by Mr. Delicious 😋 so he was able to continue. Also General Felt and Mr. Delicious 😋 are gay. 

Over time the race 🏁 began to become less intense than a fondue party 🎉. So people started to become disinterested. Even Mr. Delicious 😋 wasn't interested in the race 🏁 and he was IN it. 

After Mr. Delicious 😋 withdrew from the race 🏁 he started a game show called "What Are You?"  It was a gigantic hit. He was so happy 😁 his game show made it big he bought a Lexus for his boyfriend Trey. 

Trey met Mr. Delicious 😋 while he was on holiday in Venice. Mr. Delicious 😋 ran off a bridge and Trey jumped in the icy ❄️ water and saved him. Another woman also jumped in the icy ❄️ water but she died. 

The train 🚂 left later that day for Holland. Malcolm didn't understand anything about what had happened with Jill but he knew that if she wanted her purse 👛 she would have to follow him. Just before he boarded the train 🚂 with Jill's purse 👛 a monkey 🐒 attacked him. Malcolm tried to hang onto the purse 👛 during the attack but the monkey 🐒 was too fast. He snatched the purse 👛 and was on top of the train 🚂 making nasty 😷 signs and monkey 🐒 noises at Malcolm before you could say "peppermint."

Malcolm and Jill helplessly watched the monkey 🐒 disappear into the distance. Jill didnt know what to do without her purse 👛 so she began to make monkey 🐒 gestures and noises. Malcolm didn't know what to do either so he broke out his fiddle and played The Devil Went Down To Georgia 🇬🇪.

The next day Malcolm was a contestant on "What Are You?"  Nobody could guess that Malcolm was a fiddler purse 👛 theif so he won. He used the prize money 💰 to buy Jill a new purse 👛 with 26 packs of gum inside. Jill was so happy 😁 she shit herself. 

The End.